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emilycross85

Deciding to Become a Parent with CP: My Journey and Reflections

Like many others with Cerebral Palsy, I’ve had my share of self-image struggles. Growing up, I assumed I’d spend most of my life alone, never expecting to find someone who would accept me fully. So, meeting my best friend at a high school party was a surprise—a surprise that turned into something deeper. It was refreshing to find someone who didn’t feel the need to ask, “What happened to you?” right off the bat—a question disabled people are often fielding when meeting new people, and one that personally- I dread. 



It's my goal in life not to be held back by my disability, so as I became a young adult I continued to do things that society generally thinks not possible for someone with a disability: traveling, (20 countries outside Australia before COVID put a stop to that!) getting my university degree, moving out of home, succeeding in corporate roles and building a life with my partner. But even with these milestones, I had considerable fears around ever becoming a Mum. I worried about what my children might miss out on because of my disability, and how it might limit them. Not to mention how a pregnancy would affect me physically. I had trawled the internet, searching for anyone who might be doing what seemed impossible- parenting with Cerebral Palsy. But while there was lots of information out there for parents of children with cerebral palsy there is very little information out there for parents who have cerebral palsy themselves. Nevertheless, life has a funny way of working out, and I soon fell pregnant with my son- so, I committed to figuring it out as I went!

 

Navigating Doubts and Uncertainty 

 

It wasn’t just strangers who questioned my ability to parent; even my immediate family expressed, well intentioned concerns, asking, “But how will you get around with a baby?” My answer was straightforward: “I’ve figured out everything else in life so far; why would this be any different?” 

 

Still, pregnancy presented challenges I hadn’t anticipated. Misinformed doctors suggested that CP is hereditary (it’s not) and raised doubts about my capacity for a natural birth. (Not the end of the world!) It wasn’t just the pregnancy and delivery—they also questioned how I’d manage everyday tasks with a baby. When my baby arrived, I was fatigued by not only the demands of a newborn, but figuring out appropriate ‘workarounds’ for things my able-bodied parents wouldn’t think twice about:

How do you settle a baby who only wants to be carried when you’re scared of dropping them due to poor balance? How do you gently put down a sleeping baby after a midnight feed? Navigating putting a baby into a rear facing car seat, attending playgroups without knowing how I would get my baby onto and off the ground easily.

These thoughts and doubts meant that early parenthood was tough. I was meant to be in my ‘newborn bubble’ but I felt like my doubts around parenting were all spot on! Surely it was selfish to have a baby when I couldn’t care for him in the same way a non-disabled parent would. Postnatal depression (PND) was an easy trap to fall into. I vividly remember sitting in my doctor’s office, burdened by all the ways I was falling short.

She said to me, “Emily, you’re looking at this entirely the wrong way. You’re raising a child who won’t have to unlearn prejudices or internalised ableism. He’ll be naturally more empathetic and understanding.”

This has proven to be true—my son holds doors open for me, picks things up from the floor so I don’t trip and has accepted all parts of me without ever needing a conversation about it. Two years later I have a beautiful little best friend who is far more kind and aware than I would expect of any toddler. It does get better!

 

The Challenges of Physical Parenting 

 

Raising young children can be physically demanding, and naturally, they tend to gravitate towards the parent who can pick them up easily or comfort them when they’re hurt. But you develop your own ways of doing things in spite of limitations- If my son is injured or upset I’ll either get down on the floor with him for kisses and cuddles or have him come to me so I can lift him up and we can read books and sing songs until he’s feeling better. Not all parenting is physical, my husband and I often joke that I’m the ‘emotional support parent’ and he’s the ‘brawn’ who does the heavy lifting. So much of this also depends on the child’s temperament! My son is very active and a bit of a “runner,” which has meant that on days I solo-parent him, we stay home more often than I’d like. We make the most of our time at home with lots of sensory play and have a well kitted out backyard. Once a week, I have a support worker to help us get out and about, and my husband takes a day off every week to be more hands-on. I’m at peace with this now, and know that my son is loved, and loving.

It's easy to get bogged down in the things that are difficult in the early years and forget that parenting is a lifelong commitment – the parenting you’ll need to do when your kids are babies and toddlers is very different to what they’ll need from you when they’re teens and and young adults for example - to count yourself out because the early years are difficult as a disabled parent is to miss out on such a wide spectrum of wonderful experiences!



 

Preparing for Parenthood Again: Lessons Learned 

 

As I prepare for postpartum with baby number two, here are the things I’ll be doing differently: 

 

              •            Allow myself grace: I might be less mobile than I was expecting for a while, but that doesn’t make me a bad mum. This time, I have NDIS funding, which I didn’t have before. 

              •            Prioritise rest: As a disabled person, functioning on less sleep is harder, so I’ll be kinder to myself and rest where I can. 

              •            Accept help: It’s ingrained in disabled people to soldier on and blend in wherever possible, but that isn’t in our best interests. You can’t be the best parent without taking care of yourself first, and part of that is accepting help when needed. 

              •            Remember that tough phases are temporary: While it can be disappointing to see your child grow up so quickly, it also means some of the more challenging aspects of physical parenting will pass. In their place, a kind and thoughtful little person emerges who understands and embraces your limitations. 

              •            Stay connected: I’ll be re-reading We’ve Got This: Stories by Disabled Parents to remind myself that I’m not alone. 

 


Practical Tips That Helped 

 

In the early postpartum days, things made a big difference for me as a person whose mobility is limited: 

 

              •            Using a pram indoors to move the baby from room to room when carrying felt unsafe. 

              •            A bassinet on wheels made it easy to have the baby close by, no matter where I was. 

              •            A Charlichair for baby showers meant I didn’t have to bend over a traditional baby bath. 

·       Getting NDIS funding and linking up with an OT for hints and tips

 

 

 

Building an Inclusive Future 

 

One thing I want for my children is a world that embraces differences from an early age. Here are a few children’s books that feature disabled people: 

 

              •            Susan Laughs by Jeanne Willis 

              •            Come Over To My House by Eliza Hull & Sally Rippin 

              •            What Happened To You? by James Catchpole 

 

Parenting with CP isn’t without its challenges, but it’s also deeply rewarding. And despite the roadblocks, I’ve come to see that my disability is a part of what makes our family unique. It’s not something I need to overcome, but something that we adapt to together—learning and growing as a family. 


If this post brought up issues for you, contact PANDA on 1300 726 306, BeyondBlue on 1300 22 4636 or lifeline on 13 11 14

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